Two weeks later

So I thought I would post a short update on us two weeks after losing our son, Jeremiah.  We are doing relatively well.  Thanks to our faith and our knowledge of our Heavenly Father's Plan, we are dealing with his death better than even I would have thought we would.  We know that Jeremiah was just too perfect and pure of a spirit to weather life on earth, however, he still needed to receive a body.  I feel honored that we were entrusted with providing the body for such a special spirit.  All of that being said, yes, it does suck losing a child with no obvious reason for his death.  And especially right at the end of the pregnancy at a time that we expected to be filled with joy and excitement.

We have been able to "take a break" from our grieving a few times in the past couple of weeks.  Not that we forgot what happened or forgot Jeremiah, but we needed to take a break.  One day was to celebrate mine and Isabella's birthdays.  She really needed to have her birthday and not have it overshadowed by our tragedy.  Another day was to celebrate Ken's birthday, especially since this was a big one--40.  And another was when Ken and I were able to go to the temple.  Our grieving didn't stop then, but was set aside to focus on the work of the Lord and to really feel His love for us.  Ken took the kids to church last Sunday, I wasn't quite ready yet.  I did however go yesterday.  It was nice to be at church even though there were a few things (especially music) that hit me differently than they have before.  Everyone at church was so great and welcomed me back without completely bombarding me and overwhelming me.  I don't know if I would have been able to handle that.


I recently read the following scripture: 

                    Be faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments of God, and I will encircle thee
                    in  the arms of my love.  (Doctrine & Covenants 6:20)


I can truly say after this that I have felt His arms encircling me and lifting me up and comforting me in my sorrow.  I know that He feels the sorrow as well.  I know that Jeremiah has fulfilled his mission on the earth and that he is fulfilling a mission for our Heavenly Father in heaven.  Who knows, maybe he's up there teaching the gospel to his great-grandparents.  I know that we will be with him again in the eternities and that we will be a complete and whole family when the Savior comes again.  We will never forget the short time we had with Jeremiah, even though that time was only spent inside me, but I know that in time we will be able to move on and live our lives and continue to do the things that the Lord wants us to do.


***
Many people have asked what happened.  To be honest, we don't know.  The doctor told us that the most common thing is a heart arrhythmia unless there was something else obvious.  After delivery, he told us there wasn't anything he could see that was the cause, ie, no cord accident.  We probably will never know what the cause was, however, we know that it must have been God's plan for Jeremiah.

People have also asked how we found out.  So here is some of the background of our experience.  I know its long and much like a journal entry, but here it what happened.



We were expecting a completely different scene in which we found out that the baby I had been carrying for nine long months was a boy.  We completely expected to hear our babies cries ring through the operating room followed by the announcement "It's a boy!".   Unfortunately, that was not the destiny for our little Jeremiah.  Both Ken and I had felt through the entire pregnancy that something was going to go wrong.  I think every woman has those thoughts at some point in a pregnancy and I know I did with Isabella and Bryce.  But the difference is that with them, I was able to shake off that thought as being irrational and caused by psycho pregnant woman hormones.  However, I couldn't ever completely shake that feeling this time.  At 34 weeks, I got a little panicked because I realized that I hadn't really felt the baby move in about a day and a half.  I called the doctor and we went in for a non-stress test and the baby responded just as he was supposed to.  We all decided that he was turned in a position that made it hard to feel his movements.  We thought we got off easy if that was the "problem" we'd been anticipating through the previous months.  I didn't have any other problems after that.  On Thursday, July 26, I went in for my regular appointment.  The baby's heartbeat sounded awesome.  I even talked with Dr. Jenet about the fact we didn't know the gender. He told me that he couldn't do it.  My sister kept telling me that she thought I would go into labor that weekend, she figured Saturday night though.  Friday was spent shopping for things for Isabella's fifth birthday party that was scheduled for Saturday.  Then we gathered with some of our family on Friday night to watch the Opening Ceremonies for the London Olympics.  Nothing seemed out of the ordinary.  The kids wanted to "camp" with Ken in the living room, so they set up and I went to bed loving that I had the whole bed to myself.  About 3 am, I woke up and kind of thought, "Really? You couldn't wait a day so we could still have Isabella's birthday party?"  I went down and told Ken that my water had broken.  I tried calling my sister, Pam, who didn't answer, so I called my Mom to come over.  Pam called back and I told her she could fight it out with Mom who would come hang out with the kids.  Pam came over.  In the meantime, I called the doctor, told him we'd be heading to the hospital shortly and reminded him that it would be a c-section.  We were a little smarter this time and didn't stop to eat on the way to the hospital, but this time we knew it would be a c-section.  A little after 4am, we arrived at the hospital and they started checking us in.  Then the nurse came in to hook up the monitors.  She couldn't find a heartbeat.  She tried to keep us calm by bringing in another nurse and told us that sometimes it just needs another person's touch.  Another nurse came in and they still couldn't find a heartbeat.  They tried with a handheld dopplar but still nothing.  An ultrasound was brought in for the doctor (It was the same doctor I had just seen on Thursday) and he came in and checked and had to break the news to us that he was certain that our baby had passed.  He told us that he couldn't see a heartbeat and saw no other movements indicating that they should be rushing me down the hall to deliver.  Ken called my Mom.  She said that she hadn't been able to go back to sleep and was sitting up in the kitchen.  Ken told her that they were pretty sure that the baby had died.  She and my Dad came up to the hospital and Ken and my Dad gave me a Priesthood blessing.  My Mom was a great help and support as the nurses started asking me what I wanted to do and how I wanted to handle various things.  My Mom had been through the same thing 32 years ago.  I know this brought back those sad memories and feelings from 32 years ago for her and my Dad, but they have been amazing support for us.  After delivery, they moved me back to a room and we were able to see and hold our little son and to take pictures of him.  Ken and I talked and considering we hadn't agreed on names prior to that day, we agreed that his name should be Jeremiah Layton Gallahan.  Ken said he felt during the blessing they gave me that that should be his name.  Layton is Ken's paternal grandmother's maiden name.  When Ken was at home later that day, he looked up the meaning of Jeremiah, and it means "one who is exalted unto the Lord."  Very fitting for our little boy.  Ken had the unfortunate task of going home to break the news to Isabella and Bryce about the baby.  Bryce is almost 3 and was oblivious, he just knew that Mommy was sad.  Isabella understood a little more but has done well so far.  Every so often she will say something about Jeremiah and it just breaks my heart.  She is already talking about maybe our next baby will be a girl.  That may be a little ways off, but who knows, we'll see what Heavenly Father has in store for us.

Jeremiah Layton Gallahan

On July 28, 2012, our little boy, Jeremiah Layton Gallahan, was called back to our Heavenly Father.  He was our perfect little angel and was obviously needed for a greater mission.  While it has been tough on us emotionally to not have any time with our little boy, our knowledge of our Heavenly Father's plan has helped us to get through this rough time and it will continue to do so.  We are so very lucky to have tremendous support from our wonderful family and great friends.  Never in our lives did we expect to be burying a child, especially an infant, however, we know that we will get through this and our faith and our testimonies will become stronger from this experience.  Jeremiah will always be in our hearts and we know that we will be with him again in the eternities. 

We had a very special moment on Friday in which we were able to dress Jeremiah for burial.  While it was hard, it was a necessary and very healing experience for me.  We dressed him in the blessing outfit that I crocheted for him.  We thought it very fitting that they would be the clothes he was buried in.  A quilt (my first ever quilt) that I had made for him was placed in the casket with him.

Today we laid our little boy to rest at Fairfax Memorial Park.  We were joined by our family and held a small graveside service officiated by our Bishop.  My sister, Linda, sang a beautiful song and Ken dedicated Jeremiah's resting place.  It is a beautiful spot under a tree in a section called the "Garden of Angels."  Many others had hung wind chimes in the tree and it provided a beautiful backdrop for the service.  After the service, we all returned to my sister Pam's house where we had a nice luncheon that was provided by generous members of our ward.  There was a ton of delicious food. 

We have been greatly blessed in this difficult and trying time in our lives.  We have been blessed by the love of our Savior.  We have been blessed by the love of our families.  And we have been blessed by the love and generosity of our friends.  We could never express enough thanks for all the love, help, and support that we have received over the past week and I know will continue to receive.

Getting ready

So we have a lot of things that we're getting ready for around here:

-Isabella turns 5 in a week.  Can you believe that?  I will have a 5 year old.  Holy cow, where has the time gone.  We're having a party for her with family this weekend and we'll let her take a few friends to McDonald's or Chick Fil-a and maybe a movie in a couple weeks. 

-A new baby.  I heard from the coordinator at the doctor's office this morning and we're trying to schedule the delivery of our baby for August 8th.  I'm hoping I'll know by tomorrow if that's the plan we're going with so that Dr. Alembik can deliver this baby.  He delivered Isabella.  So, basically, unless the hospital is booked that day or Mother Nature has other plans, we're shooting for August 8th for a baby.  Look for updates on or around that date.  And don't forget that we don't know the gender of this baby, so it will be fun to see if its a boy or girl.  Now to just figure out some names.

-School.  Yup, Isabella starts school this year.  Again, hard to believe.  So now we have to start working on her school supply list.  Luckily the list isn't too bad for Kindergarten.  She will be able to go in on August 31 to tour the school and meet her teacher.  I think she's excited about it.  Then school will start September 4.  We are in a walking zone, but of course, from our house, its straight up a huge hill.  Although that might be nice for me to help lose some of my baby weight.  Hey, I gotta look at the walk there positively.

-The Olympics.  Um, hello, who doesn't love the Olympics?  I've really been looking forward to watching this and hoping it might get Isabella and even Bryce interested in some sports activities.

-Aunt Linda and Uncle Mike and of course, cousin Paige's, visit.  Aunt Linda and Paige will probably be coming in the next few weeks, while Mike won't be here until around the beginning of September.

We have a number of things we need to do around the house to get ready for baby and just to organize things some more or at all.  Hopefully we can get some of the things done before baby comes so that we have room for baby.  Luckily the crib is still set up, so we don't have to worry about that.



A look at the last couple months:
-Tammy's belly has been getting bigger, funny how that happens when you're growing a baby.
-Aunt Pam moved to a new house with an in-ground pool that we have all been enjoying.
-Uncle Russell and cousins RJ and Cameron came to visit for two weeks from Las Vegas.   Bryce still keeps asking to go to Grandma and Poppop's house to see his cousins.  (They've only been gone a few days, so he'll figure it out soon.)

New Family Picture

Here's the family picture we gave our parents for Valentine's Day.

Yes, there is an extra pair of "feet." Those are baby booties because we are expecting baby #3. The next Gallahan baby is expected the middle of August. Our due date is the same as it was for Isabella, so hopefully we can avoid August 1st so that Isabella doesn't have to share her birthday with her Mommy and the new baby. We are about 17 weeks as of today. We still haven't decided if we're going to find out what the sex of the baby is, but right now we're leaning towards not finding out. We have another 4 weeks before we'll have to decide that. Isabella is super excited. She goes back and forth on whether she cares if its a boy or girl. She will usually tell me she doesn't care which, then she'll tell Ken that she'll be upset if it's a boy. Bryce is obviously clueless. He might figure out as Mommy's tummy keeps getting bigger.

Catch-up

So I glanced at our blog today and realized that we still had a winter background and that I haven't updated since the beginning of December. I still have yet to upload the card from the camera to the computer so still no pictures. Here are a few things going on in our lives over the last few months:

• Christmas came and went, we had a wonderful holiday with such generous family. The kids had a blast. Isabella has just recently stopped asking when Santa is going to come again.
• We rang in the new year. We were rather boring and even Ken and I went to bed early. We're such party animals, I know.
• We've spent a lot of time working with Isabella on her reading and even her math. She's doing really well with both. When she wants to that is. She doesn't really like to sit still when she's reading, but we're working on that.
• Isabella also took a swim class. This was Preschool Level 2, and she loved it. She's still not completely sure about putting her face in the water, but she's working on it.
  
• Bryce has actually been showing an interest in potty training. He frequently runs to the bathroom when we tell Isabella to go in and go potty. He's even used the potty a few times. He's not quite ready for full-on potty training, but its a start.
  
• We celebrated Valentine's Day. For Valentine's to our parents/grandparents, we gave them a new family picture. I'll share that in my next post.
• Now we're into March and ready for Spring/Summer, despite the fact it snowed this morning.
  
• Soon we'll be registering Isabella for Kindergarten...can you believe that?!?

So there's a quick overview on our life. Hopefully I'll get with it soon and actually get some pictures posted.